Hello good people! This is my second post of the spring. Spring came late, so are my posts, I guess. A song I wrote a long time ago came to mind this morning, and I feel like God brought it back into my consciousness. I see this reminder now as Jesus, my Teacher, with a twinkle in His eye, saying, "There's a better way… it's right there in the words of the song I gave you so many years ago…remember? You and I have talked about this theme many times. More to learn here, my student, my child. Read it again."
Since last I posted, aeons ago, I've needed all my energy to help Corinne through a process which involves many tests and a major surgery. I'm happy to report she is on the mend and on her way to health.
Simultaneously, though, when Corinne was turning the corner, my mom, Pat Ferguson, was diagnosed with stage 4 aggressive cancer. As Corinne gained steam, my mom declined--heartbreakingly fast. Mom passed from earth to heaven a short time ago, and we celebrated her life in a memorial service this past Sunday.
It was so poignant to tell her life story as a family, each in turn telling a chapter. Singing the songs she loved, thanking God for her extraordinary life. And extraordinary it was. How blessed and graced we were to have her as our mom.
And how deep the void now where her shining presence was.
Only now, in the calm that follows the whirlwind, can I begin to post my thoughts and prayers again.
Only now do I begin to come out from my tunnel and see the daylight and feel my pulse normalize.
Now I get my bearings and look around like a groundhog coming out from hibernation.
Hey friends-- I wrote out this prayer and posted it at the very beginning of 2011. I read it again this morning on the brink of 2014. As many of you know, I haven't posted in quite a while--I've had my hands full. This past year has been a challenging one for us, and so these words feel very real and alive to me. I re-posted it in the hope that this could be fuel for your own prayer for the new year, and that brilliant HOPE will be very much alive for all of us!
God I give You
with its close calls
traps and sorrows
collapses and renewals
crises and joys
stains and scars
and I hope somehow
I lived it well
in Your wise eyes.
I give You this new year
with all its bright and shine
caution and hope
I lift it high up to You now
when it has barely broken the horizon
take it up into Your hands
along with my soul
look them over with Your keen eye
trim away the chaff
and re-fire me to go
poised at the gate
fueled with hope
blackened with the burn marks from last year
but rich with the hard-won lessons
and ready to go again
as the planet is ready
for a new revolution around the sun
there is much to learn
adventures to welcome and not to fear
as I step onto Your proving ground
knowing You post Your angels everywhere
and that the same providence
that guided me through the last wild ride
is all still there
on the watch
and worthy of my second-by-second trust.
say the word
I'm ready to go
into the rising New Year
my knees might be shaking
from the old one.
At 5 this morning I watched a summer storm power up and race across our backyard--a front row seat to a huge show, a display that I usually miss because I'm focused on something else. I wrote this poem with one eye on the sky and one eye on our ancient roof, hoping the storm would stay out where it belonged. :-) hymn to the wild sky our Father in heaven i am watching Your power written in bold dark clouds across the sky right to left, driven by wind water plummeting from the heights feeding the bursting thirsty foliage no sirens no warnings but a charged-up sky is sparking and seething the wrestling of lightning and wind torrential window rattling chest pounding deep earth rumbling and big sky splitting open this fierce dance of the high atmosphere appears wild and chaotic to us but it is in fact obedient to laws that You wrote on the expanse of the cosmos at the moment of creation Let there be-- and it is You show off Your vibrancy in such a storm You rouse the heavens and shout for joy for life the exuberance of a Creator expressing Your existence in a burst of furious love I AM You bellow and the earth responds with life (except for we sophisticated humans with our headphones on) how is it that outside the Voice of God thunders separated from our flesh by an eighth of an inch of glass and we bury that Voice we little minds gazing at our screens sucking in prefabricated ideas human invention promotion and radiation while just three feet away the world is being oxygenated created and recreated by a Mind so much greater than our own
I wrote the song Hold On the day of September 11, 2001, as events were unfolding with ferocity. In the vacuum that brought New York, and all of us, to our knees in those days, gasping for breath, the question arose in the throats of many of us, "where does God fit into all this?" This song was my way of dealing with it.
Now, in the wake of Boston 4/15/13, I was stunned to realize how much this song speaks to the current tragedy. I'm re-posting Hold On in hope that it might in some way be a comfort to those who are reeling from the events of the past couple of weeks.
Link to recording of "Hold On" hold on despite the devastation now beyond the things I'll never understand God I'm reaching for Your hand beyond the questions hanging here despite the awkward silence in the air I believe that You're still there
and I'll hold on to the Voice that calls my name hold on to the Heart that feels the pain hold on to the promise that remains hold on
and I'll hold on to the Hand that gently guides hold on to the strength that's left inside the shreds of belief that just won't die hold on
the gift of one more day begins the act of breathing out and breathing in the will to start again one more day to serve, to give to reach beyond the wreckage and to live to respect the sacred gift
hold on though the world is not the same hold on to the God who'll never change hold on to the fragments of your faith hold on
hold on and believe the Holy One and know that His justice will be done hold on to the Kingdom yet to come hold on
and just hold on for the world is turning still despite every tremor we will feel hold on for eternal life is real hold on
and just hold on though the mountains fall apart the pieces of hope left in our hearts will hold us until the healing starts hold on
i'm on the lookout for the holy
for the numinous
but is best caught in the lowest of light
when the distractions of our world
are hidden for a time
dormant for a few hours
then the watching souls
who are awake
get an opportunity to catch
the faintest of a glimpse
a vibe the inner senses detect
a stillness beyond stillness
a light that broods over the earth
in the earliest dawn
or the deep dusk